For about three months, I was deep in contemplation about what my future might be. I have taught like 10,000 people how to recognize and trust theirs. Using my own even when I have zero evidence is kinda my jam. BUT when my inner voice kept saying ‘this doesn’t feel right’, it was confusing. I kept scanning my brain for what ‘this’ could mean. The house. My relationship. My exercise routine. Simple Spirit. Nothing quite felt like the thing. It kinda freaked me out too, because the message that “this doesn’t feel right” felt accurate.
So after getting nowhere and even ineffectively arguing with my intuition, I put my cosmic Do Not Disturb on. Kinda like a universal busy signal. IYKYK
The universe wasn’t having it. It wasn’t like the feeling or thought went away entirely. I just pushed it back to white noise. We all do this by the way with our intuition when it is giving us a message we can’t interpret, don’t like, or flat out don’t agree with. Yep, I am human and I ignore my intuition. My guides absolutely want me to fulfill my purpose – being fully alive and spreading love all over the place, so they brought me the message through others.
At the end of a session, a client who I love said “I have a hit for you. It came to me this morning. When you read people the way you do, it blows their minds. Do more of that in an obvious way.” Then I was teaching a client how to read Tarot. Going from a question, to a card, to interpretation, and then connecting all of those can be challenging the first time. She looked at me and said ‘Girl, you are using your spidey sense to teach me this aren’t you?’ It was true. I was actively reading her so that I could more easily teach her and it was happening entirely in the background. A couple days later my friend was sharing about a psychic reading that she got. My brain immediately thought ‘Why am I Not doing that?’
Now just one of these would be interesting, but all three of them in a week. I am stubborn but not dense. I got curious. Instead of trying to figure out what “this” was. Because the more I focused on what “this” meant, I got caught up in fixing, changing, and being in reaction.
I asked, “what is the message I am not hearing?”
Here is the message I got. Intuitively, I don’t think it was just for me:
It is a different time and you are a different person. Stop being responsible for everyone else and everything. The time for worrying about making other people uncomfortable is over. It is time to be YOU. All of you. Lovingly restore yourself to wholeness. Set your wonderfully weird, imperfectly perfect, and beautifully loving self free. Not in the future. Or even tomorrow. Right TF now. You got it.
Now there is always the challenge with hearing any message. What does it mean? The most important part of receiving a message is to be curious and open. Like I wasn’t when it first drifted into my awareness (silly psychic).
Short version of what this meant to me. From childhood and into adulthood, I have spent a lot of time being everything for everyone. Exhausted nervous system. It felt less tiring to just compartmentalize the less marketable parts of me or less desirable parts of me than manage people’s discomfort. So the habit of being cautious in certain settings about how I talk about who I am (not just what I do) began. My soul is f’ing done with that mess. I am not built to be cautious. Especially my vibrant warrior earth mother soul.
How does this message land for you? Are you compartmentalizing pieces and parts of yourself? How is your soul? What would restoring yourself to wholeness feel like or look like?