The other day I was marinating in gratitude for the people in my life and their part in helping me heal.
When I reflect back, I realize I have had amazing people in my life for most of my life, but I had this inability to be vulnerable. I kept most but one or two at a distance from me due to a concern of being seen as …. Take your pick: a fraud, incompetent, a failure, weak, blah blah blah. The friendships were the kind where I focused on giving but didn’t allow my friends to support me as easily. I could blame this focus on being independent and strong on my upbringing or Lifetime movies (hello) or my misplaced trust over the years in some innately terrible people. Being strong and independent is not a bad capacity to have. I am grateful for the many times I actually needed it. However, I have been a one-trick pony with that shit for a while.
The work of being simply willing to be vulnerable is not the work of a single day, month, or year but more like the work of a lifetime, as far as I can tell. Much like learning, I recognize that vulnerability can be situational and requires trusting myself and others at a profound level.
It can be saying to someone you respect and don’t want to be seen as incompetent in front of “You know. I haven’t actually read that book [blog, show, person etc.] can you share more about it with me?” It can be saying “No” when you feel worried your ‘No’ might damage the relationship. It can be admitting that staying home is better for your well-being than going out.
Last year and this year so far have been this opportunity to learn what healthy vulnerability looks and feels like. It is very different from the all-or-nothing version I had before. My hope is for those of us that are the strong and independent types, I love that about us btw, that we learn to release the need to control the outcome enough to be willing to be supported. To allow ourselves to be seen by those who have earned the right to see us. Most especially, we see the power of our own vulnerability as the birthplace of what is possible for us.
If you have been white-knuckling it or just are tired of only being Independent and Strong and are curious what else is possible, perhaps it is time to learn how to be supported. Support can look so many different ways. Maybe you could dial a friend who easily shares their vulnerability with you and try sharing with them. Maybe you could try saying “No” where you have been saying Yes. Maybe you could look at support in a more structured way – coach, therapist, or mastermind.
If you have ever been curious about the kind of 1:1 work, I offer as a coach, but we haven’t chatted about it before. Book a call with me. Let’s chat.
No matter what pathway to vulnerability you choose, it is as they say:
“The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” -Lao Tzu