I get frustrated with myself sometimes.
Like sometimes I eat pizza instead of a salad. Skip meditation. Ignore my intuition (yes I do that too). Be a jerk.
When I get most frustrated with myself is when I judge others harshly. When this happens, I turn inward first to resolve it.
Are they having a bad day?
Did I upset them in some way?
Perhaps there is a lesson?
What is this interaction a reflection of?
Usually one of these questions will illuminate something useful. I am able to see a new perspective and let it go. If that doesn’t do the trick, I use one of the tools I have learned. Participating in a whole variety of spiritual and transformation programs for the last 13 years, I have a lot of tools some of which are amazing friends I have met in these programs. They remind me that at the soul level we are all one. I do what it takes to be restored to loving that person and a sense of connection. I prefer to be generous with my love.
However I have two people in my life that I find incredibly difficult. These relationships are challenging for a variety of reasons, but mainly because when I am around them for any length of time, I don’t enjoy it very much.
I have reframed the conversations we have had. Then recreated relationship. Saw new perspectives and then recreated relationship again. Read about radical forgiveness. The 5 love languages. On and on. Recreated the relationships.
About a week ago I had a phone conversation with one of them. The call ended with me in tears, feeling very heartbroken, and angry. After soul searching for a couple of days, I saw something about myself that I hadn’t seen before.
For years and possibly my whole life, I have had a belief. I must be great with all people all the time. Not sometimes. All the time. And if for some reason I am not, I must restore myself to this ASAP. No Matter What.
Do you have this belief or another?
You must be friendly no matter what?
You have to be understanding no matter what?
If you have a belief like one of the above, you might be harsh on yourself if you aren’t great, friendly, or understanding. You might be making yourself wrong for making others wrong. Two wrongs make a whole lotta wrong. For myself, I had somehow twisted the spiritual path of universal love into a way of judging myself. I had to be great with others, but I got to be a jerk to myself if I wasn’t.
How about you?
Are you treating yourself with compassion?
Are you be loving and gentle towards yourself?
In that perfect and profound way the universe has, those two challenging relationships did illuminate some pretty profound things. It is time to stop judging myself so harshly. It is time to generously give love to myself.
What about you? Are you willing be generous with yourself.
Feeling connected to another person is totally profound. We are moved to create that connection. Can you let go of “making yourself wrong if and when it doesn’t happen. No matter why.
We deserve love, respect, and kindness. Who best to grant us those things than ourselves? Enjoy a little Jason Mraz to lighten your day!