Have you ever ridden a roller coaster? It always starts with the steep hill in front of you that you climb and climb and climb just to get to that tippy part, right before you take the plunge where your heart and stomach scramble around together.
The moment is singularly unique. It’s where excitement and terror are twins in your chest. You know it is too late to get off the ride – you are now committed. Whether or not you enjoy it, that is absolutely up to you.
In January, I declared a whole new set of possibilities and goals. My “being” has been screaming at me to shift what I offer in my work, and it has made me both nervous and excited just like I feel at the top just before the plunge. Instead of holding on tight, I put my roller coaster riding hands up and took the plunge making a declaration. I, Shoshanna French, want to be the Oprah of Intuition. To me that declaration was less about the “who” and more about the “being” of Oprah. You may or may not be a fan of her personally, but you may like attributes she has – her power, speaking her truth and listening.
Once I made that declaration, so much started to change all at once. It feels overwhelming. It feels chaotic. The definition of chaotic is a state of utter confusion (Synonyms: havoc or anarchy)
Chaos has been my experience as many changes seem to be happening at the same time. This one little change and statement has made everything feel and be so different. But, as I am on this roller coaster of life, I have been so excited. My body is excited. My being is excited.
Right now a virtual flood of change is occurring. Travel. New conversations. New community. New opportunities. A book. Marketing. Website. Content. More appointments. More opportunities to speak and share my knowledge and my gift of intuition.
At the same time, I have been booking further into the future and have had to cancel on already made plans. In the life before the declaration, there was a sense of certainty and order. There was a routine to life. I knew myself in that place and had all the structures I needed to manage that old life. THEN all of the sudden things were changing fast and I felt confused. Wait. Who am I now? What words do I say? What do I do now?
The air has been sucked out just as I come down and around the first curve.
Have you ever been focused on achieving or accomplishing something and then it starts to feel hard and not fun?
I tried to force myself through it. I event gave myself a little pep talk. You can do it. Halle (my coach) says I can so I can. Fake it til you make it gurl. You are an intuitive ~ don’t you already know this? Boo who, ya big whiner, just hustle and get it done. Make a to do list and get on it.
I really was just about to say F*ck it when I saw this quote that I had seen before.
This quote, reminded me of something I heard in a class I took 13 years ago. Suffering Is Optional. Don’t misread or misinterpret this to mean that life doesn’t have challenges or hardship. It does. However, our experience of life is what we have the most choice over.
One thing I noticed about the definition of chaos. There is nothing in the definition that talks about suffering. Not a word. Confusion is not automatically a reason for suffering. Then I remembered … I called in change, on purpose, in my goal setting.
So, I asked myself a couple of questions.
- Do I still desire the change I declared or is there now something else?
- Is what I am feeling awareness or something else?
- What would it take to choose chaos?
- What would it take to choose uncertainty, vs. the certain future that happens if I don’t get on the roller coaster at all?
So I sat in quiet space and listened. If you are wondering, what I mean by “quiet space” it is meditative inner space of connection. Not an actual physically quiet place. It is the place I go to when I connect with my guides and my intuition.
What did my inner wisdom offer me?
Relax. Practice your practices. Ground. Clear. Connect. Allow the universe time to unfold and yourself to receive. Keep being curious and when you feel overwhelmed come back to your quiet space.
I was grateful for that inner bit of wisdom. It helped remind me to stop focusing so hard on the external stuff and focus more on the inside experience. It helped remind me that the spot I was in was temporary. It is the “in between”. It is the part right before the plunge that explores new places I have not been before.
If I look at the biggest shifts in my life (and those in clients lives), each one was preceded by a moment of being in the in-between. Being between that which was previously or already known and what will be known in the future. The benefit of hindsight is that you can look back and say “I was just being in the in-between. No Big Deal.” But in the moment, it can feel like a void. It was where I get stuck about chaos. Where it feels scary.
So… what I can control is ME. I can control me. I can choose how I respond to life in all its chaos. I can embrace the in-between as the juicy liminal space. The place where everything is possible and nothing is known because in that space nothing is chosen yet.
If you find yourself in chaos right now, I recommend finding your quiet space and allowing yourself time, energy, questions and thoughts and an answer or a calm will emerge on the other side. It is also o.k. to be in the in between.
Be kind to yourself and the universe will respond. And for goodness sake put your hands up and enjoy this thing called life!
To sign up for my monthly newsletter, go here: [et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_1″]